When I think of how much I used to draw, photograph and anything else creative, I think back to that time. I think of all the things involved. Where I was at in school, where I was living, what was going on in my life at that time and I conclude that my life has changed drastically since that time.

Three years ago, I was in my second year of photography. I was, at that point, getting all of my assignments together and getting ready to finish up for Christmas. One night while trying to get an essay written, I got a call from my Mom. We chatted for a few minutes and then she told me my father was sick, he was in the hospital she told me. Well, I went home early for Christmas. Three weeks later, my Dad passed away. It was really hard but after a very extended Christmas vacation, I came back to Fredericton to finish up my photography diploma.

After I came back, things were the same as they were before I left. Except that I had an abundance of creativity. Before I had left PEI I took all kinds of black & white photographs of the home my parents shared together and the things that were just as Dad left them. Over the next two years at school I would work with these photographs. Developing them, sorting them and arranging them into the story of my father and how he is no longer here. This is called, "In my Father's Absence".

At the same time as I was working with photographs, I was also illustrating memories of my Dad. I later compiled these illustrations into a book for Graphics called, "Life with my Dad". I hope to publish it someday.

Essentially, the two projects above are about life and death. I didn't mean for it to happen that way but life and death are very perplexing issues.

You see... even writing this blog is helping my cause. Just realizing that neither of those two things are done. I think I have to finish them before I can ever get seriously into what I have been lacking. I am going to try and work on those two things instead of trying to drum up new stuff.


*Above there is a an old photograph of my Dad with his brother and sisters. It is about 1945, he is in the top left. This is part of the series that I had been compiling.*

Since last night, I have been very concerned about getting back what I had at the Bruce Cockburn concert. This morning I am searching for discussions about creativity and the lack of. So far I found a new site and it is called Mind-Graph. The first topic that I stumbled upon was Mind Mapping. There were some links for mind mapping software and I am downloading it now to see if it can help me.

.... well it didn't help much. It's something I could have easily written down on a peice of paper.

Sorry this blog isn't so meaty but it has taken the past couple of weeks to conjure up what my thoughts are about my creativity. I was just at the Bruce Cockburn concert with my husband and a friend of ours and even though I enjoyed the music quite a lot, I kept drifting into these daydreams about my creativity and what I wish to do with it.

All these ideas kept popping into my head and I was getting very excited about it but alas, they're gone now.

So now I just find it very interesting that I have been struggling for months now to be creative and the only time that ideas start to spark is at a folk concert.

Anyway, it was just a thought.

So here is my blog. This blog is about my creativity and it's inexistence. I will focus mainly on my creativity but I will also try to look into theories and what creativitiy is all about.

I haven't done anything slightly creative in months and months. I haven't drawn anything worth mentioning over over 6 months and I haven't taken a decent photograph since.... well, since I graduated from the Photography program. I wouldn't even know where to start if I even picked up my camera.

In August I was gearing up to get back to school. I thought it would let a little bit of inspiration back into my life and while somewhat correct on that, I am still lacking because work had taken over. I consider where I work a learning experience and something on my resume. I am not incredibly attached to my job. I do a little bit of everything there. I take photographs, illustrate and design. It's not as great as it sounds because it's not being creative on my own agenda. I work under 4 people. One is a designer, the three other people are not. I never get any feedback other than "I don't like it", or "Change that" or "Send it to be printed." I do not have any creative freedom. But, like I said, it is a learning experience.

Anyway, I am going to try and commit some time to this blog and post some pictures, drawings, etc.