One of my new years resolutions for 2007 (aside from the usual qitting smoking, losing weight, etc.) will be getting my talent back. As I am on holidays, away from both work and school I am realizing the amount of potential that I have and the fact my current lifestyle isn't allowing me to really get into it. So, here are some things that I am going to do in the new year that will lasso my creativity.



1. Discover all of the opportunities out there. Stick my neck out and seize what is mine.



2. Develop more styles. Work with mediums that I don't care for or never touch. I must show prospective employers what I am capable of.



3. Try to finish or at least work with projects that are unfinished.



4. Gather all of my ideas and throw then into some sort of preverbial hat and work though them.



5. Finish all of my business material. Press kit, business card, website, etc.



I know I can do this. It is just a matter of motivating myself to get my ass in gear. There have been so many times that I have gotten hired for a job based on the fact that I simply inquired about possible employment with that particular company. For instance, the job I am at now. I am not even graduated from the program that I am taking but I was hired for a full time position as a graphic designer simply by contacting the company to see if they needed anyone.



Ahh, this break is exactly what I needed. I was so damn frustrated before the holidays but I knew I would be feeling better once I got to relax.



Happy New Year!

Ok! Brand New Day..... tomorrow. Brand new day tomorrow. Today I got all of my homework in and now I just have to sort of work myself into a partial coma in order to get through the next couple of days. I am really looking forward to holidays. I am getting out of the city for 12 days and I don't have to think about work or school or anything in between!! Woo hoo!

So, not sure if this blog project is continuing into the next semester but if it does, I am changing my topic. I want to have free range... like a chicken! I don't want to be limited to the one thing that is frustrating me. There are other things that I would rather discuss... like news, the ridiculous dreams that I have which by the way I have been having not-so-cartoonish ones lately but apocolyptic ones. I have an apocolyptic dream about once a month or so.... anyway, I am getting off topic. There are so many ideas to be had out there, so I am just going to write about anything that comes to mind.

Cheers and have a great holiday!

I appoligize for the last couple of blogs being such bummers. I admit, I've been kind of stressed. But, after this weekend I no longer have to think about school... until the new year that is. Then, after next Thursday I don't have to think about work for a whole 12 days!!!

It is Friday and oh how long I have waited... a whole 5 days!! Friday is the night where Iain goes out for supper with some friends of his. I go on occasion but Friday evening is when I wind down and drink all the beer that Iain didn't drink before he left. I'm now on my 4th.

So, when I got in, Iain and a friend of ours was here. On the table there was an envelope addressed to Iain and I. I could tell by the handwriting that it was my best friend in Toronto. I opened it to find on the front of the card, a photo of a toy Santa face down in cotton batten snow next to a bottle of vodka. I love it! So, as the evening progressed I drank more beer and then decided to check out the website of the company that made the card. They are eEvil Design. I wrote them an email.... a very frank email telling them how much I loved their product and humor and then asking if they would ever consider hiring me on a distant-part time basis. It's not something I would normally do but hey, it doesn't hurt to stick your neck out there, no matter now uncertain you may be. The way I look at it is that it's only an email address.



So, here's to the new year and new endeavors!!

I wish I could think as clearly as when I am sleeping. Like I said in a previous post, dreaming can summin creativity. As the complicated creature that I am, ( a woman), I am constantly thinking. I think about everything, meaning that I also worry about everything. Sometimes I have so much going on in my head that I wish I could simply turn it off, and I can... if I only go to sleep. However, I wouldn't get much done if I went to sleep everytime I became overwhelmed as a result of my mind being in overdrive.

When I sleep, it's a different story. Everything slows down (obviously) and I concentrate on things such as homework, work and other issues that have been on my mind. I also dream about things that make absolutely no sense to me, but on the other hand, represent some sort of creativity. Last weekend for instance, just before I woke up in the morning, I was dreaming that I had just washed my hair and it was up in a towel when I took it down out of the towel, my hair looked exactly like an ice cream cone. I had blond and brown hair and it was shaped exactly like soft serve ice cream.

So, I imagine that this tangent is a result of the time of year. This time of year is never good for me, many reasons of which I can't explain but more so because of the stress involved. Work has been incredibly busy, I've left most of my school work on the back burner until now, Christmas, Money, car inspection... the list goes on and on. Anyway, everything always seems to work out one way or another. I just get myself in a stew for no reason at all. I am looking forward to Christmas but I am looking even more forward to the New Year.

This semester I learned a lot. The first thing I learned is that I can't spread myself too thin, something of which I do every year. This year in particular I learned that I should not do this. I end up being much too stressed and as the end of the semester approaches, I feel like locking myself in a closet until after the holidays. Working full time and using whatever time I can to fit school in, does not work. I knew it would be hard, but not this hard. On top of school and work, I also commit myself to doing stuff for other people. Why do I do this to myself? It is beyond me.

Another thing I learned, probably the most important concerning this blog. I can't find creativity if there absolutely no time at all for it. I can't simply look into the theory of creativity and make it happen, I need time to do it more than anything else. I know I have it in me... I've proved it to myself time and time again throughout my life. So, I think I just have to wait until I have more time.

There are so many factors that limit my creativity. Work, school, being married, being married is great, don't get me wrong but it takes up time just like work and school. If I was single, I would probably be 20 lbs lighter, malnurished but really fucking creative. So, what do I sacrifice here, my health and my love life for creativity? It'll happen when it happens, I am certain of it.

When school is over and I am finally graduated for the second time, there will hopefully be more time to work on my ideas and personal projects. When I can finally break into writing/illustrating children's books, I will hopefully be able to quit my job and do what I love full time. However, that may not be in the near future at all but it is down the road at some point.

So, all I can say is that with this being my 5th and final year in college, Thank GOD!

Ok, so I just wanted to post this video that Iain sent to me. I think it's hilarious. I also love the simplicitiy of it. The drawing and the animation. Its great and I thought I would post it here.



Stay tuned for a comment and artwork about my dreams over the weekend.

So I discovered this new music. Well I should say that Iain discovered it. The name of the band is the Kuricorder Quartet. Iain was doing his daily Deep Purple search (big fan) and he found this animated cartoon of nuts driving Ukuleles to the song Highway Star. We then searched more of this music and found this Quartet from Japan. I really love this music. It is just happy!



I think we are going to buy a Kuricorder CD from Amazon, we both really like this music.

In other news, I think I am going to try desperately hard to get back into my photography again. I was in Reids yesterday and was looking at an art magazine. There are so many things out there that I am missing. I think one of the reasons why I may have abandoned photography in the first place was because I was never allowed to do what I wanted with it. Granted, I did a lot of what I wanted with it, but it's everyone else. Everyone either wants you to take a picture of their wedding, baby or cat. They think you photograph everything just because you have a camera and everyone always has to have their input and critique of your work. Who's the professional anyway?

Anyway, looking at those magazines the other day really inspired me to get cracking at what I've been lacking!

So here is a question. Why have I been dreaming in cartoon lately? The other night I had a dream that Simpsons creator Matt Groening made the world a 3-D cartoon. It was like this big event that was going to take place and I was in it, everyone was. I was with my husband and we were walking around when everything suddenly turned into a 3-D Simpsonesque type atmosphere. It was really strange. I kept staring at people and trying to touch their faces.

Then last night, I had a dream that I had this magic powder in a little brown envelope and when I would throw it on something, that something would turn into cartoon. I threw it on the grass and then the trees and suddenly I was throwing it on everything and turning my surroundings into a cartoon-like atmosphere. It was really quite neat.

So I wonder why I have been dreaming in such a way. It isn't the first time I have dreamt in cartoon but this was different. My world was becoming cartoon, It was changing. These two dreams that I have had make me think of my photostration which is the opposite of what I had dreamt about. For those of you who do not know what Photostration is, it is the process of placing a cartoon in a photograph. This process was quite successful for me. I even had it published in Photolife.

So what are my dreams telling me. Does anyone have a clue? because I certainly don't. The cow was not in my dream.

Screw it!! I have never before had to find my creativity or get it back in anyway. I have just been very busy and have had no time to be creative. I work full time, school is also consuming a lot of my time and then when I get home at night, there is no time for me to sit down and be creative. I think it is going to come to me when I am ready.

What I would really like is for my husband to make butt loads of money so that I can stay home and just play all day. You never know, that could happen!! Or I guess, I could make a butt load of money somehow but that would mean that there would have to be 48 hours in a day.

So this would be my dream.. for me to be a successful children's writer/illustrator and that would be my full time gig. I have so many ideas that I want to get started on but alas, there is no time. A lot of people would probably tell me that if I wanted it bad enough that I would have to make time. I am sorry to all of those who may say something stupid like that but I am a somewhat of a selfish person. Not that is all about me or anything, I would do nearly anything for someone else but I am not about to work myself to the bone in order to steer myself into a world of never seeing my husband and never enjoying myself. What I want to get myself is a grant so I can develop my many ideas. To get a grant would allow me to quit my job and work on my many ideas from home.

So what am I going to do next you ask? I am going to look into the Writers' Federation of New Brunswick and see about getting myself a grant! That would be lovely. So that is what I am going to do. This blog is finished.

When I think of how much I used to draw, photograph and anything else creative, I think back to that time. I think of all the things involved. Where I was at in school, where I was living, what was going on in my life at that time and I conclude that my life has changed drastically since that time.

Three years ago, I was in my second year of photography. I was, at that point, getting all of my assignments together and getting ready to finish up for Christmas. One night while trying to get an essay written, I got a call from my Mom. We chatted for a few minutes and then she told me my father was sick, he was in the hospital she told me. Well, I went home early for Christmas. Three weeks later, my Dad passed away. It was really hard but after a very extended Christmas vacation, I came back to Fredericton to finish up my photography diploma.

After I came back, things were the same as they were before I left. Except that I had an abundance of creativity. Before I had left PEI I took all kinds of black & white photographs of the home my parents shared together and the things that were just as Dad left them. Over the next two years at school I would work with these photographs. Developing them, sorting them and arranging them into the story of my father and how he is no longer here. This is called, "In my Father's Absence".

At the same time as I was working with photographs, I was also illustrating memories of my Dad. I later compiled these illustrations into a book for Graphics called, "Life with my Dad". I hope to publish it someday.

Essentially, the two projects above are about life and death. I didn't mean for it to happen that way but life and death are very perplexing issues.

You see... even writing this blog is helping my cause. Just realizing that neither of those two things are done. I think I have to finish them before I can ever get seriously into what I have been lacking. I am going to try and work on those two things instead of trying to drum up new stuff.


*Above there is a an old photograph of my Dad with his brother and sisters. It is about 1945, he is in the top left. This is part of the series that I had been compiling.*

Since last night, I have been very concerned about getting back what I had at the Bruce Cockburn concert. This morning I am searching for discussions about creativity and the lack of. So far I found a new site and it is called Mind-Graph. The first topic that I stumbled upon was Mind Mapping. There were some links for mind mapping software and I am downloading it now to see if it can help me.

.... well it didn't help much. It's something I could have easily written down on a peice of paper.

Sorry this blog isn't so meaty but it has taken the past couple of weeks to conjure up what my thoughts are about my creativity. I was just at the Bruce Cockburn concert with my husband and a friend of ours and even though I enjoyed the music quite a lot, I kept drifting into these daydreams about my creativity and what I wish to do with it.

All these ideas kept popping into my head and I was getting very excited about it but alas, they're gone now.

So now I just find it very interesting that I have been struggling for months now to be creative and the only time that ideas start to spark is at a folk concert.

Anyway, it was just a thought.

So here is my blog. This blog is about my creativity and it's inexistence. I will focus mainly on my creativity but I will also try to look into theories and what creativitiy is all about.

I haven't done anything slightly creative in months and months. I haven't drawn anything worth mentioning over over 6 months and I haven't taken a decent photograph since.... well, since I graduated from the Photography program. I wouldn't even know where to start if I even picked up my camera.

In August I was gearing up to get back to school. I thought it would let a little bit of inspiration back into my life and while somewhat correct on that, I am still lacking because work had taken over. I consider where I work a learning experience and something on my resume. I am not incredibly attached to my job. I do a little bit of everything there. I take photographs, illustrate and design. It's not as great as it sounds because it's not being creative on my own agenda. I work under 4 people. One is a designer, the three other people are not. I never get any feedback other than "I don't like it", or "Change that" or "Send it to be printed." I do not have any creative freedom. But, like I said, it is a learning experience.

Anyway, I am going to try and commit some time to this blog and post some pictures, drawings, etc.